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 few jokes!!!

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phunky monkey
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PostSubject: few jokes!!!   Sat Feb 16, 2008 9:55 pm

Q. if a woman is uncomfortable watching you wank do you think a) you need to spend more time together, b)shes an effen prude or c) she should of sat elsewhere on the bus

Man and woman in very dark woods making love, man says "wish to **** i had a torch," woman says,"so do i, youve been licking the grass for the last 10 minutes.

very childish i know but hey ho hum!
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PostSubject: Re: few jokes!!!   Sat Feb 16, 2008 10:01 pm

2 pirates on a boat. 1 pirate has a stearing wheel down his trouser's, 2nd pirate turns to him and say's '' ahoy there matey, ya know theres a stearing wheel in ya pants'' to which the pirate replies '' arrrgh matey, i know, its driving me nuts''
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johnrallye
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PostSubject: Re: few jokes!!!   Sat Feb 16, 2008 10:49 pm

oh dear Arrow
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PostSubject: Re: few jokes!!!   Sun Feb 17, 2008 5:26 pm

3 OLD MEN

3 old men are discussing which age is worse to be. The 1st man says ''being 60 is the worst age to be, i just cant control my bladder. sometimes it pours out, other times im straining.'' the 2nd man replies ''im 65, thats the worst age, i cant control my bowels, its horrible.'' Then the 3rd man speakes '' being 70 is the worst, every morning at 6'o' clock i have to piss, then at half past i need to shit'' the two younger men ask ''whats the problem with that.'' To which the 70yr old man replies '' the problem is i dont get up till 7.''
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PostSubject: Re: few jokes!!!   Sun Feb 17, 2008 5:31 pm

whats faster than a black man running with a tv?

his mate running with the dvd player!

i know its a shit one but its the best one i can think of at the moment! lol
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PostSubject: Re: few jokes!!!   Sun Feb 17, 2008 5:35 pm

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."

The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
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phunky monkey
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PostSubject: Re: few jokes!!!   Sun Feb 17, 2008 6:45 pm

British Drinking Law
BRITISH DRINKING RULE

A Polish guy drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Poland our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same glass twice'

A ****stani, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces.

He says, 'In ****stan we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either.'

A British girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer and drinks it, throws her glass into the air, pulls out her gun and shoots the Pole and the ****stani and catches her glass.

She says, 'In Britain we now have that many ****stanis and Poles that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.

God Bless Britain
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PostSubject: Re: few jokes!!!   Fri May 16, 2008 8:29 pm

Bloke walks in to a pub and see's the most beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life. He finally get's tha courage to talk to her so he says ''allright luv, i wouldnt mind gettin in your nickers' to which she responds ''no need thanks, i already got a c*** in here''.

Sounds like the story of niks life, but probably only involved penis's. ohh you dirty bastid.
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PostSubject: Re: few jokes!!!   Sat May 17, 2008 2:50 pm

lol!!

_________________
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PostSubject: Re: few jokes!!!   Sun May 18, 2008 3:07 am

I'm surprised we haven't given nik a nervous breakdown yet. We must try harder. lol
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